A Different Kind of End-Of-Life Checklist
There are common elements to end-of-life planning checklists, whether you’re preparing for end of life in Mexico or anywhere else. Universal to-do items may include completing an advance directive, identifying a medical or financial proxy, or executing a will. Common to-do items for those who live in Mexico might include building a relationship with your closest neighbors, establishing medical history with a general practitioner, or purchasing a pre-need funeral plan.
In this post, I propose a few less conventional action items. These suggestions don’t appear on most end-of-life planners. Nonetheless, they can be of great benefit when it comes to supporting a gentler aging and dying process.
Learn To Understand And Speak Spanish
As an immigrant to Mexico, understanding and speaking Spanish goes a long way, especially when it comes to situations in which you’ll be asking people for help. As we get older, we’ll need help more often. Those who retired to Mexico later in life might feel like it’s too late to learn Spanish. This couldn’t be further from the truth. There’s no need to develop fluency; learning even a little bit of Spanish is of benefit.
A 2021 meta-review found that learning a second language, even later in life, helps promote healthy cognitive function and may delay the onset of dementia. A 2019 study enrolled 59-79-year-olds in a 4-month language learning program and found significant improvements in cognition and neuronal connectivity at the end of the program. Learning a language can be challenging and awkward. You’ll make mistakes and that can be embarrassing. It’s worth it! Language-learning benefits more than just your cognitive health.
2. Befriend People Who Are Younger Than You
We get to a certain age and we start to hear people say, “All my friends are dying.” Loneliness at the end of life is real, and if left untreated, can lead to anxiety and depression. The good news is, there are some things we can do to prevent loneliness at the end of life, including making friends with those of diverse age groups. Consider who you currently spend the most time with, are they your same age, older or younger?
Much research has been done on the benefits of intergenerational friendships, but even being social with those who 5-10 years younger than you can bring energy, diversity and emotional well-being to your life. In episode 6 of our podcast, we speak with Lu Pearson. She describes how she and her husband have intentionally made friends with those younger than they are, to great benefit.
3. Help Someone Else Through End Of Life
When we’re present through the death of another, we learn. We learn more about what types of decisions people face at the end of life, what we might expect, what we might want when it’s our turn to die, and what we would not want. It can also be of benefit to review the deaths you’ve already been witness to, no matter the distance from which you’ve observed them. What was that like for you, and how has that informed your own planning and preparation?
We don’t all have to sign up for a death doula training or volunteer at hospice, although that’s certainly an option if it is of interest. The opportunity to be present for the death of another will eventually arise. When it does, don’t distance yourself. We each have the ability to help someone else through the end of life, in our unique way. Perhaps you can recommend a lawyer for a friend who needs a will, deliver meals to a neighbor in the hospital, help someone you know find blood donors for an upcoming surgery, or be the person who’s not afraid to listen to someone share about their cancer treatment. Approaching death with a service-oriented mind opens both the heart and mind to discovery and growth.
4. Develop An Inner Source Of Okay-Ness
What else might not be on a typical to-do list? Developing an inner peace that’s not dependent on external circumstances. Currently, how do you tend to react when the unexpected occurs, when there’s an abrupt change or when things go ‘wrong’? What does your current relationship to aging look and feel like? Are you generally accepting or engaged in a battle against your body and the natural changes that occur as we get older?
How we respond to any type of ‘unwanted’ change today is a very good indicator of how much inner peace may (or may not) be available to us in the future, especially at the end of life. If we currently find it difficult to be present with discomfort, now is the time to work on that. Our task is to develop a relationship to an inner (versus outer) resource we can turn to for a sense of okay-ness, despite our health or circumstances. If we can connect to an inner source of comfort, we have 24/7 access to potential ease.
What’s On Your End-of-Life Checklist?
What has been most supportive for you as you age? Is it something we’d be familiar with, or something more unconventional? Let us know about it in the comments, or join the discussion in our private Facebook group.
